I’ve lost it yet again. The inspiration to write is not within my reach. I am a blank slate. My mind is almost at it’s limit trying to squeeze out all the creative juices I have just to write something that used to flow out of my hands like sweat. I have become useless.
I have found myself neglecting my hikikomori hobbies. I have not drawn anything since summer. I have not edited anything with Adobe Photoshop since the semester began. I have not written a single story or flash fiction since a long time ago. I have not done anything that will nurture and enhance my talents. I have become nothing.
I have gone out of my dorm room and have started to neglect my studies. I do not study, not that I actually did. I have lost track of the things I have to do. I have forgotten about the numerous papers and deadlines I have to make and meet. I have lost my identity as a student. I have been going to class as a spectator. I am no longer a student.
My purpose now is to get back that which I lost-my talent, my inspiration, my muse, my identity.
I have taken on a new identity recently and this may be the reason why I have lost my previous. I want them back. I want to incorporate the little fragments of my identity that I lost so I can become better than I am now. I want to be more than what I am.